Difficult Conversations at Work: A Script for Leaders

Every leader faces them, those conversations that make your stomach tighten and your palms sweat. Whether it’s addressing poor performance, delivering unwelcome news, or navigating interpersonal conflicts, difficult conversations are an inevitable part of leadership. Yet many managers avoid them entirely, hoping problems will resolve themselves.

They rarely do.

The cost of avoidance is steep: declining team morale, frustrated high performers, and problems that compound until they become crises. Research shows that 70 percent of employees avoid difficult conversations, often hoping issues will resolve themselves. But here’s the thing, difficult conversations don’t have to be disasters waiting to happen. With the right approach and a clear framework, you can turn these challenging moments into opportunities for growth, clarity, and stronger relationships.

Why Leaders Avoid Difficult Conversations

Before diving into solutions, let’s acknowledge why these conversations feel so daunting. Most leaders avoid them because they fear making things worse, damaging relationships, or triggering emotional reactions they can’t handle. There’s also the misconception that good leaders should be liked by everyone, a belief that makes delivering tough messages feel like a personal failure.

The reality is that avoiding difficult conversations is actually the relationship killer. When you don’t address issues directly, resentment builds, performance suffers, and trust erodes. Your team begins to see you as either oblivious to problems or unwilling to tackle them, neither perception serves you well as a leader.

The GRACE Framework for Difficult Conversations

Here’s a framework that makes difficult conversations more manageable and effective: GRACE:

G – Ground and Prepare R – Receive by Listening A – Acknowledge with Empathy C – Collaborate on Solutions E – Engage in Follow-Up

Let’s break down each component with specific scripts you can adapt to your situations.

Ground and Prepare: Setting the Stage

Before entering any difficult conversation, you need clarity on three things: the specific issue, the desired outcome, and the stakes involved. Vague concerns lead to vague conversations that solve nothing.

Script for scheduling the conversation: “Hi [Name], I’d like to schedule some time to discuss [specific situation/behaviour]. This isn’t about being in trouble. I want to make sure we’re aligned and can work together to address this. Would tomorrow at 2 PM work for you? I’ve blocked 30 minutes, but we can take longer if needed.”

Notice what this does: it’s specific without being threatening, it frames the conversation as collaborative, and it provides clear logistics. This approach reduces anxiety for both parties.

Setting the physical context matters too. Choose a private space where you won’t be interrupted. Turn off notifications. If the conversation is happening virtually, ensure you have a stable connection and good lighting. These details signal that you’re taking the conversation seriously.

Receive by Listening: The Power of Understanding

Most leaders rush to deliver their message without truly understanding the other person’s perspective. This is a mistake. Starting with genuine listening accomplishes two critical things: it makes the other person feel heard, and it often provides information that changes how you approach the issue.

Script for opening with listening: “Before I share my observations, I want to understand your perspective on [situation]. How have you been experiencing [specific issue]? What’s your take on what’s been happening?”

Then (and this is crucial) actually listen. Don’t mentally prepare your rebuttal. Don’t interrupt. Let them fully express their viewpoint. You might learn that what you perceived as a performance issue is actually a resource problem, or that what seemed like attitude is really overwhelm.

Follow-up questions that show you’re listening:

• “Help me understand that better…”
• “What would need to change for this to feel more manageable?”
• “When you say [specific thing they mentioned], can you give me an example?”
• “What’s been the most challenging part of this situation for you?”

Acknowledge with Empathy: Delivering Your Message

Once you’ve listened, it’s time to share your perspective. The key is expressing your concerns clearly while maintaining empathy for their experience.

Script for expressing concerns: “I appreciate you sharing your perspective with me. Based on what you’ve told me and what I’ve observed, here’s what I’m seeing: [specific, observable behaviours or outcomes]. The impact of this has been [specific consequences]. I’m bringing this up because I believe in your capabilities and want to see you succeed.”

For performance issues: “Over the past month, I’ve noticed that [specific examples]. The standard we need to meet is [clear expectation], and currently we’re at [current performance level]. This matters because [impact on team/customers/business]. What are your thoughts on closing this gap?”

For behavioural issues: “I want to address something I observed in yesterday’s meeting. When [specific behaviour], it seemed to shut down discussion and I noticed [specific reactions from others]. Our team works best when everyone feels comfortable contributing. How did you experience that moment?”

For delivering unwelcome news: “I need to share some information that I know will be disappointing. [Specific news]. I understand this isn’t what you were hoping to hear. Let me explain the reasoning behind this decision and then I want to hear your thoughts and concerns.”

The pattern here is: specific observation, clear impact, invitation for dialogue. This approach is direct without being accusatory.

Collaborate on Solutions: Moving Forward Together

The goal of any difficult conversation should be agreement on how to move forward. This isn’t about winning or losing—it’s about finding a path that works for everyone involved.

Script for transitioning to solutions: “Given what we’ve discussed, what do you think would be most helpful in addressing this? What support do you need from me to be successful?”

Often, you’ll need to be more directive: “Based on our conversation, here’s what I think needs to happen: [specific actions]. How does that sound to you? What concerns do you have about this plan?”

For accountability: “Let’s be clear about expectations going forward. By [specific date], I need to see [specific outcomes]. We’ll check in [frequency] to see how things are progressing. Does this timeline feel realistic to you? What might get in the way?”

For ongoing conflicts: “It sounds like the core issue is [summary of problem]. Moving forward, when this situation arises, here’s what I’d like to see happen: [specific behavioural expectations]. Are you willing to commit to this approach?”

Engage in Follow-Up: Ensuring Lasting Change

Difficult conversations aren’t one-and-done events. The real work happens in the follow-up. Without proper follow-through, even the best conversations lose their impact.

Script for ending the conversation: “Let’s summarise what we’ve agreed on: [recap key points and commitments]. I’ll [your specific commitments], and you’ll [their specific commitments]. Let’s schedule our next check-in for [specific date]. Are there any questions or concerns before we wrap up?”

Follow-up conversations should be brief and focused: “Hi [Name], I wanted to check in on [specific commitment from previous conversation]. How has this been going? What’s working well? What’s still challenging?”

Handling Common Challenges

When emotions run high: “I can see this is really important to you. Let’s take a moment to breathe and then continue. Your feelings are valid, and I want to make sure I understand them.”

When someone becomes defensive: “I’m not here to attack you or your character. I’m here because I want to work together to solve this. Can we focus on the specific situation and how we can improve it?”

When someone shuts down: “I notice you’ve gotten quiet. What’s going through your mind right now? Is there a different way I can approach this conversation that would be more helpful?”

When you don’t have all the answers: “That’s a really good question, and I don’t have the answer right now. Let me find out and get back to you by [specific time]. In the meantime, let’s focus on what we can control.”

The Long-Term Impact of Getting This Right

Leaders who master difficult conversations create something remarkable: psychological safety combined with high standards. Research demonstrates that teams with high degrees of psychological safety reported higher levels of performance and lower levels of interpersonal conflict. When 89 percent of employee respondents say they believe that psychological safety in the workplace is essential, it’s clear that your approach to difficult conversations directly impacts your team’s success. Their teams know that issues will be addressed directly and fairly, that their perspectives will be heard, and that the goal is always collective success, not individual blame.

This doesn’t mean these conversations become easy, they often remain uncomfortable. But they become productive, and that makes all the difference. You’ll find that addressing small issues prevents them from becoming big crises. You’ll discover that your team actually appreciates your willingness to tackle tough topics head-on. And you’ll develop the confidence that comes from knowing you can handle whatever conversations leadership demands.

Your Next Step

Think about a difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding. Use the GRACE framework to prepare for it. Remember: the conversation you’re avoiding is likely more difficult in your mind than it will be in reality. And the cost of continued avoidance is almost certainly higher than the temporary discomfort of addressing it directly.

Your team is counting on you to lead these conversations. They may not thank you in the moment, but they’ll thank you for the clarity, growth, and stronger relationships that result from your courage to engage.

The question isn’t whether you’ll face difficult conversations as a leader, you will. The question is whether you’ll handle them in a way that builds trust, drives performance, and strengthens your team.

Start with your next conversation. Your future self will thank you for it.

Let’s talk about having better conversations as a leader. Book a call.